Weak Blog Imitation Numero Deux

Ironic Chef

2007-12-27T09:44:00.000-08:00

There's a plan. I kid you not, Shawna and I actually came up with a near perfect plan. I would say perfect, however, you'd be surprised at what I'm capable of royally screwing up, so just in case I find some way to ruin it, I will refer to it as a near perfect plan.

Now, shocking as this may be, it wasn't even that hard to come up with. I mean, obviously I'm not going to post it out here, because that would be a pretty effective way of ruining it, but all I'm saying is that it wasn't tough to think of. I mean, seriously, it's not like the judges will pick something difficult to put into a dessert because, let's just face it, we're all afraid of what Ryan will try to pass off as food this year and they're the ones that have to taste it (And in case any of you have had the good fortune of forgetting last year's creation I have so kindly provided a visual aid below)

Everything is in place, other than the fact that we still need to make our mix CD to pump us up and put us in the mood. But that can be done rather quickly and shouldn't be too difficult to arrange so long as we're provided with a stereo (which, for the record, we officially requested weeks ago and we have not heard any complaints in response, so we're expecting to have it there). So, basically, we're ready for Ironic Chef 2007. Bring it on.

Ghost hunting results (requested by an adoring fan of mine)

2007-12-21T12:22:00.000-08:00

The ghost hunting adventure didn't really start as planned. Actually, after parking on Hillside, we decided to run around in the snow covered parking lot of Central making designs... but after that, it was down to business.

We entered near the gravel parking lot into a woodsy area (with a convenient trail running through it). Upon entering, a rabbit got scared and started running.... and upon hearing the rabbit, Veronica and her friend Kristen got scared and started screaming

Past that point it was a little disappointing. I mean, the camera gave out because even though it had been plugged in for 24 hours, apparently the battery was dead? Although I suppose maybe it was the ghosts telling us they didn't want to be filmed. Always a possibility. So then we just took pictures. Unfortunately, Adam has all the pictures, but if he gives me a good one, I'll put it on here.

For the first 15 minutes the walk through the dark woods was frightening. But, frankly, after a while we weren't scared anymore and it was just cold. My pants were wet up to the knee and the water in my shoes had soaked all the way through my three pairs of socks.

However, last night, I had a dream that I communicated with our poltergeist, Paul, through the walkie talkies we had. And I woke up this morning and the walkie talkie was beeping. So, naturally, I flipped out and ran upstairs and waited for my dad to get out of the shower (so he could hear my screams if I was attacked by a ghost) before I went back downstairs.

It was an eventful morning, and I've decided that the ghost hunt outside was useless. I mean, obviously no self-respecting ghost would hang out in some lame woodsy area across the street from a high school. And as for a graveyard? That's just cliché. So I shall instead enlist the help of Veronica to go on a midnight ghost hunt in the house to find our buddy Paul.

The most amazing idea I've ever had. Ever.

2007-12-10T15:00:00.000-08:00

In light of the poltergeist we decided was haunting our house last June 27th, Veronica and I started to do some research.

Let me just say, any website with an official Ghost Hunters' Code (also known as CREDO, in case you were wondering), is most definitely worth my time. So I read it, laughing throughout most of it, and decided it was time for an adventure. Not just any adventure, a ghost hunt.

As for the materials needed?
-Digital camera
-Video camera
-Tape recorder
-Compass (to detect paranormal activity by detecting magnetic fields)
-Recording of "Ghost Busters" and speakers
-A group of people ridiculous enough to come with me
-Protective goggles
-Dark clothing
-A list of places to visit

Fortunately, I have found the vast majority of the things I need, so this Saturday night I will be going on a journey with a group of about 9, Veronica included, to go ghost hunting. It will be absurd, and, better yet, documented in night vision on a video camera Blair Witch style. I'm excited.

Sometimes 12 brains aren't better than one...

2007-12-07T19:32:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I have 3rd period French, and often times when we arrive we show up before the teacher. Now my teacher always leaves the door locked with the lights off when he's out of the room, so when people see a closed door and no lights they assume no teacher. This got me thinking... does anyone really ever check to see if the door might be open?

And the answer to that, my friends, is no. After second period my friend Elizabeth and I rushed down to M. Whitt's room, borrowed his keys, purposely unlocked the door, shut it, and sat inside with the lights off. He looked at us like we were crazy, then thought it was ridiculous and told us that no one would ever fall for it.

Clearly he severely overestimates the intelligence of his French 4 class. The first person showed up, we could see the shadow, and we were expecting to hear the knob turn any second, but nothing happened.

So there we were, M. Whitt, Elizabeth, me, and Vic French(who, ironically, is not even in French, he just saw us unlock the door and ran in and wanted to be part of the experiment), just sitting in the room laughing. Finally after a couple minutes, at precisely 9:37, M. Whitt said we had to let them in at 9:38. The next minute was thrilling. The four of us sat there looking at the lap top screen waiting for 9:38 to come, which would be mine and Elizabeth's official victory over the people in the hallway, and in complete silence with the exception of M. Whitt's loving comment: "This is the longest minute of my life"

9:38 came and Elizabeth and I walked to the door, waved, and just casually asked why no one had opened the door. And I kid you not, I counted, there were 12 people waiting outside for someone to show up and open the unlocked door for them. Brilliant, truly.

Big Red

2007-12-03T14:56:00.000-08:00

This morning was by far the most interesting morning I have had in a long time, all due to our fabulous convertible that seems to be out to get me. I awoke this morning at 5:15 so I could put my laundry in the dryer and go back to sleep. It was a fantastic plan: let my clothes dry while I slept so I could get up precisely 10 minutes before leaving to warm up the car and change into warm dryer clothes, maybe even eat an extremely rushed breakfast. However, my plan started falling apart at stage one when I went outside in my pajamas to open the car only to find that the door was frozen shut. The only way to open it was to lean back with all my body weight, which worked out fine expect for the fact that after it opened I went sprawling into the grass. But being half asleep, I didn't really mind all that much, so I turned on the car, turned up the heat and went back inside to get ready. After my 10 minute process of getting ready for school, I was fully prepared to face the car again. I lugged my 4 1/2 foot bari sax case (not an exact measurement, but I guarantee you it is at least 4 1/2 feet long) out the door to load it into the car. Now, this instrument is so monstrous that I actually have to slide it in the car, then get the car to position it just so because it barely fits across the entire back seat. I stepped into the backseat of the car and.... slipped and fell backwards. Yes, a layer of ice had accumulated in the back of the car and coated the ground. Apparently the windows leaked when all the rain and snow came this weekend and it froze to the floor. At this point I was becoming fed up, but the car felt the need to anger me just one more time. Instead of frosting up on the outside of the windshield, it happened on the inside, since the leak caused there to be so much water in the car. So when the heater melted all the ice of the windshield, it left a pool of water on the dashboard that slid around as I drove, occasionally spilling onto me or my school supplies. Needless to say, it was a bit of an irritating ride to school, but at the very least it woke me up and I was alert on my Monday morning at school. Plus, as soon as my pants dried off from falling on the ice rink that is the floor of my car I thought it was hilarious.

Anyone got any matches?

2007-11-25T11:29:00.001-08:00

A couple days ago I sat down, camcorder in hand, ready to watch previous Christmas videos on the big screen. I figured it'd be fun because I used to like watching the ones from when I was really little, so I put in Christmas of 2001. From the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry to everyone who was irritated by ten year old me. To make a long, useless story short (aren't you proud Daddy?) Christmas 2001 was a gigantic blow to my self esteem. The immediate family has agreed that the last one alive will burn those tapes, as many of them have had a similar experience with some other Christmas video, but I'm just not sure why we're waiting.

My Polls are a Nuisance

2007-11-08T20:07:00.000-08:00

Hooray everyone, let's, once again, go vote for Ironic Chef. Shawna has demanded representation, so, being the kind sister that I am, I have created a new poll with Shawna included. Perhaps this incredibly kind doing of mine will inspire her to return my polka dot tank top that I have been searching for for several weeks. Probably not, but maybe.

Human Tetris

2007-11-05T14:21:00.000-08:00

I was home sick the other day and watching the Ellen show, because Ellen DeGeneres is amazing. Anyway, she showed a clip of this game show, and it was absolutely fantastic. If you're thinking it can't be that great and you have no intention of clicking the link I am so kindly providing all of you with below, just hear me out: The whole game is people in metallic silver body suits trying to fit through shapes that are coming towards them. Even better, if they don't contort themselves into said shape and make it through the wall, they're pushed into a pool of water. Honestly, I'm not sure why we don't have this in America. I truly feel that in our society, we can appreciate people in absurd outfits embarrassing and injuring themselves just as much if not more than the Japanese do.

Enjoy.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=xPFZl59_OZ4

Poor Rex

2007-11-02T16:06:00.000-07:00

I never thought this would happen, but I actually feel bad for Heather's chihuahua Rex. Yes, I truly do have sympathy for the rat-like little creature that pees on my floor (and when he's really feeling nice, my bed) whenever he visits. And I really didn't think Heather could possibly make me like the chihuahua more than her, but she made his first Halloween an embarrassment, so I feel for the little man. But I guess after his Halloween costume, he hardly qualifies as a man. I don't even know what he was supposed to be, but I know he was in a dress. A little pink and black dress with ribbons. Treasure Princess something or other? Whatever it was, it was just cruel. And all Heather had to say for herself was that by the time she got around to shopping for his costume, there were only girl dog costumes left. So as I understand the situation, Rex had to pay dearly for his mother's procrastination with the Halloween costume purchase. Poor guy. No one deserves that, not even the Satan-like rodent that is my sister's dog. I would begin a custody battle, however I really don't feel like it's worth the effort... he did pee on my belongings for the first several months of his life. Oh wait, he still does. But still, I genuinely hope that his mother has learned her lesson: If you're going to dress up your dog, at least dress him up in something that leaves him with some dignity.

My Life as a Banana

2007-10-31T14:20:00.001-07:00

I know, I know. You're all probably wondering what that hideous yellow thing is and why it's hugging a monstrous tetris block. Well, that's how I spent my school day today, dressed up as a giant banana in pajamas. And actually, I came to the conclusion that everything, and I mean everything, is more fun when you are in a banana suit.

So the day started off at 5:30 this morning when I woke up. I decided to put on my banana suit immediately because I was so excited about it, reasonably so. But imagine my surprise when I stood in front of the mirror and realized just how absurd I looked. But hey, that's what Halloween is for, right? Anyway, my friend picked me up at about 6:15 and we got to school ridiculously early. And from the time I walked into the building, every corner I turned I got approximately 23 bizarre looks and at least 6 people laughing at me. But I guess for you to really understand why this happened (and why it was irritating), I need to tell you that there's an unspoken rule for girls at our school: you either don't dress up in a costume, or you don't wear much of anything and then try to play it off as a costume. The guys are the only ones who ever have semi-humorous costumes. So if I were a guy, I would not have received those 23 bizarre looks at every turn, but such is life I suppose.

So everything was relatively boring until lunch 4th period, when I accidentally entered a costume contest. Although, I don't think it really qualifies as me accidentally entering myself, it was more so the people at the table yelling after me "Banana in Pajamas! Come here! Come here!" If only we could still use our iPods during lunch, then I would be able to have my headphones in and pretend like I couldn't hear them, but apparently our school is filled with thieves and (the real reason for the ban) people who blame the school when their stuff is stolen, so that wasn't an option. Now what does signing up for a costume contest entail? Well, first, getting candy and putting your name on a sign up sheet, so I really have no complaints about that... but then they took out the video camera. They whipped it out from God knows where and told me to do something interesting. So naturally, I did a... you know what, I don't even know what to call it. It would hardly qualify as a dance, more like a two second long seizure. So that's great, I'm really excited that that's on tape.

Then came gym class. Gym class in a banana suit? Now that even sounds awesome, and it was, it truly was. I went rock climbing and swung on a rope and looked ridiculous. That was basically my entire gym period. It was perfect: useless, not at all physically challenging, and something my gym teacher wouldn't let me get away with unless I was in, say, a banana suit.

That's me in all my glory swinging on the rope.

K, now let's fast forward to 8th period. 8th period was Comparative Religions, where I, and I do not exaggerate, removed my shoes, turned to face Mecca, and bowed down to Allah with my seven contact points to the ground (hands, feet, knees, forehead). We're learning about Islam right now, and so we had an optional prayer so people could learn how it was done. One of the kids in our class is Muslim and knows Arabic so he led the prayer. It was actually pretty cool, but my teacher couldn't keep a straight face at the sight of me in full costume bowed down and praying. Hey, at least I had my head covered, so I was technically doing that much right as far as prayer for women goes.

Even the ride home was eventful. I turned around to wave to people because I was in my friend's convertible and, well, receiving some very strange and prolonged looks. That is as far as my adventures as a banana have gone thus far, but I'm pretty excited for trick-or-treating tonight. Now what is the moral of this unreasonably long story? Life is better as a banana.

Starbucks

2007-10-28T15:05:00.000-07:00

So about four weeks ago I decided I wanted to enter the world of ridiculously overpriced coffee. Yes, my dear friends, I applied to Starbucks. I called the manager to check the status of my application as my father suggested; however, I haven't received a phone call back, and I believe Starbucks has rejected me. In the process of trying to accept that I may not, in fact, be good enough for Starbucks, I have compiled a list of every reason I would be terrible at the job in order to justify not being hired.

Here's all I came up with:
1) Being a Lent, I really have to question my ability to put up with rushed, tired people who haven't yet had their caffeine
2) I also have to question whether the customers could put up with me when I'm rushed, tired, and without caffeine in the mornings
3) I really don't have any interest in people with three paragraph long orders. I mean, come on, who cares if your frappuccino has skim milk in it or not? Odds are, if you're getting a venti carmel frap every morning, the fat content of the milk I put into it is the least of your calorie consuming problems
4) It took me about 8 years to fill out the application, and the majority of that time was spent trying to answer the question "Why do you want to work at Starbucks?" So naturally, after spending an absurd amount of time trying to figure out what to write, I put that I work well in a fast-paced environment.
5) I still don't have an honest answer to that question
6) I'm sure I would spill coffee, knock over blenders, and trip over things whilst holding drinks pretty regularly
7) I really genuinely do not care what you want to drink.... and I also don't care if I screw it up.

So, that said, if they do call and offer me the job I will still be taking it. If they're stupid enough to pay me for a job I can't even do well, I have no complaints.